Chadarav--His Chambers
The Singer
My Thoughts Are Broader Than The Sea
My thoughts are broader than the sea. I cannot express them in prose. Not out of any self-aggrandizement, I must be a poetBbut a poet in free verse. I cannot be tied to the chains of meter and stanza. I flee simple prose because of the heaviness within it, because it is so constricted, and I cannot enter other constrictions, which are perhaps even greater and more oppressive than the oppression of prose, which I flee.
My Creativity Flows Like Wellsprings
My creativity flows like wellsprings of water, raises waves, is in a constant ferment, pouring forth streams, founts of water.
The princeliness of my soul within me is constantly alive and active. My perspective, filled with holy light, grows ever broader. Behold, I am summoned for strength and for might, and to fortify and strengthen the heart of all who are faint.
My prayer proceeds from the source of my soul. It is great and filled with the pride of Hashem.
Creativity
The heart yearns to create, to create without cessation, to create with an ongoing flow, because that is the nature of the soul: to flow like a river.
And what interferes? Preparatory phases, points of view, ideas, the approval of others.
All of theses are incidentals, which can by no means block the racing of the spirit. More than that, the spirit at the zenith of its waves can in no way be stopped, particularly by such matters, so as to be required to base its activity on them. It must create: it must move its own storms, impel its own suns and stars, which bear the entire world, and which demand movement that is constant, swift racing, without cease, with nothing able to block them and stop them.
Let us salute creativity streaming forward, proceeding upright, in its glory taking giant strides forward, racing like a warrior upon the path.
How Many Thoughts Have Been Strangled
How many thoughts have been strangled during the time that I did not write down any ideas.
True, they are certainly lying in the depth of the soul. They have not been lost from existence. But the water must constantly be drawn forth so that use is made of it to water a great multitude, and the thoughts must flow so as to be brought from potential to actual.
"Write a vision and explanation upon the tablets."
My Inner Thoughts and Feelings Have Been Hidden
For a long time, my inner thoughts and feelings have been hidden in the depth of the heart. They did not emerge and did not come to any expression because of chaotic confusions, and because of affairs of deed and various studies.
But the pressure of the soul is awesome, and I find myself forced to express something out of a spiritual duress.
"I called from my trouble to Hashem, and He answered me."
Fine Pearls from the Treasure House of the Soul
My heart yearns within me for all of those lofty thoughts, hidden within my heart, which I have not taken out of concealment into revelation.
Are they not fine pearls from the treasure house of the soul, of much greater value than any original ideas and philosophical musings artificially constructed by intellectual toil and mental effort?
Cruelty To The Children Of The Spirit
The cruelty to the children of the spirit that are lost because I do not give them life by clothing them in the appropriate expressions for them, via which they would be able to appear in all their character, that cruelty embitters my heart, and fills me with spiritual languor and great anger of the spirit.
This is an echo of the proclamation, "Woe to people for the insult to Torah," which comes forth every day from Mt. Chorev, which every individual hears on the tablet of his heart. And everything depends on how deep is the impression that remains of that hearing.
Indeed, repentance comes from hearing [that]. And the great compassion for strangled ideas will bring me to repent. [It will bring me] to an inner quickness, to express myself at breadth, with exactitude, in detail, that my soul will use to spring forth at every moment from the mass of feelings and ideal yearnings, which contain blessing for the individual and for the many, for the Jewish people and for mankind.
I will no longer tell my heart to be astonished and desolate, or entirely taken up with plans that are not the essence of the yearning of my soul. But I will indeed return to that inner, pure content, which my spirit within me constantly awaits.
"And I will wed you to me forever, and I will bind you with justice and with justice, and with kindness and with compassion. And I will bind you to me with faith and you shall know Hashem."
What Can I Do with My Flowing Thoughts?
What can I do with my flowing thoughts? My heart is pained because they are not written, because they are not carved and given form. It seems to me that they fly into the air.
But if I attempt to give them form, am I able to? Do I have the expression of those inner descriptions of the spirit, which cause me to tremble and which demand that I give them form?
And can I fulfill the desire of these fleeting beings? To this I am forced to respond, "Certainly not." And if I come to fulfill an inner demand, which constantly scorches my heart, I do not fulfill the true demand, for I do not give form to those hidden thoughts, which call me to give shape to their form, but only their distant echo, their shadow of a shadow.
And what can I do? My soul yearns and expires for the courtyards of my God, my heart and my flesh sing for the living God. "Then I said, Behold, I have come with the scroll written on for me. To do Your will, my God, have I desired, and Your Torah is within my innards. I have proclaimed justice in a great congregation, behold I shall not restrain my lips, Hashem, You have known."
You have known, and only You have known, and I have been silent of good and my pain has been stirred up he'ekar, until you will heal my pain, until along the river, along its banks will appear every fruit tree, and behold, its fruit for food and its leaf for healing, to give speech to the mouth of the mute. And the river comes from the wellspring that comes forth form the house of Hashem, and waters the Shitim River. "Then the lame will leap like a deer and the mo tongue of the mute will sing.' "And the heart of the nimharim will understand and know, and the tongue of the stammering will hurry to speak clearly."
Who Will Hold Me Back?
Who will hold me back? Why do I not reveal in writing all of my fiery thoughts, all of the most hidden thoughts of my spirit? Who is it that prevents me, who imprisons my thought within its husk, and does not allow it to emerge into the air of the world? Who is it that chokes the phenomena of the spiritual life, and does not allow them to reveal themselves in all the beauty of the wealth of colors of their lights? My spiritual powers within me cry out in their great sorrow, they feel themselves to be imprisoned within jail, and their prisoners of poverty, complain, that they are imprisoned without justice and without righteousness mishpat. They are correct, and honesty and justice are on their side. They speak of breaking out by force, to break down the all walls of their imprisonment, to emerge into the freedom of the world, to sing loudly their great song, their great, holy, joyful tune, filled with the power of life, a life of holiness and purity, a life of beauty, a life of the tamale delight of all worlds, a life of the majesty of Hashem, in Whom they will delight with all good. Oh when, when will your redemption come? When, when, will I speak and write all that my heart senses? "I will speak and I will have comfort." "The praises of Hashem will my mouth speak." And the moth will speak all that the heart thinks, and the pen will express all that is hidden in the depth of thought, and from darkness will emerge light, light, light, light, "Hashem is my Light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?" "Hashem is my light."
I Must Free My Literature From Its Bonds
I must free my literature from its bonds. Why am I unable to write the depth of my thoughts in a straight way, without complication, without especial complexity, but matters as what they mean, to give them form in the order of their formation-that is a mysterious secret. The pathways of the path of life have moved, and "the Holy One, blessed be He, has moved the paths of Torah." Great barriers stand before every spiritual, supernal revelation, that it may not appear in all its breadth. The world is not fit for a great deal of light. But we have an obligation to battle against obstacles. The depth of lovingkindness will overcome everything, the clouds of darkness will flee, the shadows will of darkness will turn aside, the shadows will flee, and the glory and light of Hashem will appear. "Your cohanim will be dressed in justice and Your pious ones will sing." "Awake my glory, awake nevel and harp, I shall awake the dawn. I will thank you amidst the nations, Hashem, I will sing to You amidst the nations. For Your lovingkindness is to the heavens, and Your truth to the high heavens." Then I said, Behold I have come with the scroll written on for me. To do Your will, my God, have I desired, and Your Torah is within my innards. I have proclaimed justice in a great congregation, behold I will not restrain my lips, Hashem You have known."
When A New Thought Flashes Into an Idea
At times, that my worry that that which comes into my mind at the present is not something new, and everyone already knows it, and I myself have already discussed it, and perhaps also wrote the same, and as a result the new insight grows cheapened, and not appreciated properly as spiritual pearls that come from the drops of the garden of Eden of the soul.
In order to protect oneself against this failing, a person must know, that it is not possible that any idea that blossoms in the soul should not be equal, literally, to an idea that already blossomed in the past. The buds are different in their character.
In the physical world too, nothing is literally the same as anything its equivalent, and so how much more in the spiritual world. And so at every time and moment that a new thought flashes into an idea, we must appreciate-honor it and know that this is a new vision, which never before appeared in the world, and to receive it joyfully, with humility and holiness, with might and harmony and an abundance of peace.
As One Who Finds A Great Treasure
I must make up my loss, to study the usefulness within all the ways of allusions and examples, of how comparisons are made in spiritual matters.
And even when it appears that nothing is added and now new idea, that is not so, for by virtue of transferring the matters from place to another, one adds movement, vitality and an inner light, and a light new light of life shines and flows forth. "Her breasts will satisfy you at every moment, in her love you will be constantly ecstatic deranged"-just as long as an infant nurses, he finds milk, so too, as long as a person studies words of Torah he finds in them new meanings." And with that of course one must review so that the topics will shine more and more, and the freedom of thought in holiness, in the depth of an inner faith, must rise in strength constantly from the source of holiness, so that one's thought will be filled with counsel and wisdom. "New in the mornings, great is Your faithfulness."
But even if one feels no more than a repletion of thought with stylistic changes, we must know that here too is light and life, and rejoice in that as one who finds a great treasure.
Kernels of Light
It is better in my view to draw kernels of light of flashes than to go on at length with complex theories. The lightning flashes come from within the inner radiance of the soul in its natural state, whereas complex theories already are coming from within a manufactured thought and craft. Of course, that too is within the principle, "It is good hat you grasp one and not release your hold of the other, for one who fears God will accomplish all of these."
Rivers of Truth
It is possible that if I write for myself and about myself, there will be revealed to me rivers of truth much more pure and deep than anything than I can think of with the goal of revealing truth and new insight.
It Is Impossible For Me To Abandon Literature
It is impossible for me to abandon literature, the craft of thought and its expressions. I cannot excuse myself from that soulful work, which is so deeply lodged in m spirit, and despite all of the barriers that I meet in the course of my thoughts and the events of my life, I am forced to return to literature and to engage in its work. I must find the techanim contents destined for me, those points of truth prepared for me to reveal them, which are always founded upon the value of holiness, holiness in the individual life and in communal life, holiness in deeds, holiness in feelings and holiness in thoughts, holiness in the progress of the congregation and in the progress of the individual, the holiness in the revival national revival in all of its hues. When I speak of matters of holiness, I speak from my essence, from the entire hemyah of my life, and that is the sign for me that this point, the point of holiness, centralizes all of my thoughts, and in it, and only in it, will I speak and gain satisfaction yirwahh li.
